We’ve often heard the phrase, love hurts. But if love, at its core, is truly about valuing someone, why would it cause pain? 🤔 Shouldn’t love feel like a constant, steady appreciation for who someone is? 🌟 What if the pain of loving someone actually stems not from the act of love itself, but from the expectations we attach to it? 🎯

Loving Through the Lens of Value ❤️

From my perspective, love means valuing someone for who they are, not for what I want them to be or what I expect them to do. 💡 To love someone is to say, I see you, and I appreciate you for the unique individual you are. 🌈 It’s a love that doesn’t demand. 👐 It doesn’t come with a checklist of needs that must be met in order for the love to be valid. ✅ When we love in this way, we free the other person from the weight of expectation, allowing them to simply exist and be valued for that alone. 🌸

But what happens when that love feels painful? 💭 If I love you, and in return, I feel hurt because you’re not giving me what I want, then the problem may not be you—it may be me. 🤕 I may have placed expectations on you, consciously or unconsciously, and when you don’t meet those expectations, I feel the sting. 😔 But if love is truly about valuing someone unconditionally, then I must ask myself: Who am I to want something from you? 🤷🏽‍♀️

The Role of Expectations in Love 🔄

Expectations complicate love. 🌪️ They introduce a transactional element that can quickly erode the purity of valuing someone unconditionally. 💔 When I expect something in return for my love, I’m no longer loving you for who you are—I’m loving you for what you can do for me. 📝 This creates an imbalance, turning love into a negotiation rather than an act of appreciation. ⚖️

The truth is, if I’m hurt because you’re not meeting my expectations, it reveals more about my own desires than your shortcomings. 🪞 The pain I feel isn’t because you’ve failed me—it’s because I’ve placed a condition on my love. 🎯 I’ve tied my happiness, my sense of fulfillment, to your actions, rather than simply valuing you for who you are. 💖

What About Mutual Expectations in Marriage? 💍

While my perspective leans heavily toward unconditional value, I recognize that for many people, especially in relationships like marriage, expectations are seen as valid. 💬 A marriage often comes with unspoken and spoken agreements—mutual responsibilities and expectations that each person fulfills certain roles. 📜 For some, these expectations are not about placing conditions on love but rather about creating a structure where both people feel supported and valued through action. 🤝

From this perspective, it’s not unreasonable for someone to say, I love you, and because I love you, I expect certain things from you. 🗣️ These expectations could include emotional support, commitment, shared responsibilities, or even just the assurance that you will be there when needed. 🫂 For some, love in a marriage is about more than just unconditional valuing—it’s about partnership, and partnership often includes the expectation of reciprocity. 💫

The Intersection of Value and Expectation ⚖️

So how do we reconcile these two views? 🤷🏽‍♀️ On one hand, there’s the belief that love is about valuing someone for who they are, without demanding anything in return. 🫶 On the other hand, there’s the reality that in many relationships, especially committed ones like marriage, there’s a mutual understanding that love involves meeting certain needs. 👫

Perhaps the balance lies in recognizing that while love is rooted in value, relationships are built on a foundation of both love and responsibility. 🏛️ Loving someone unconditionally means seeing their worth, even when they’re not meeting your expectations, but that doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs or pretending they don’t exist. 🔍

In a healthy relationship, love can exist alongside reasonable expectations, as long as those expectations are not used as leverage or a measure of worth. 🛠️ We can value someone deeply while still having open, honest conversations about what we need from them to feel supported in the relationship. 🔑 The key is to ensure that these conversations are rooted in mutual respect and understanding, not in conditional love or ultimatums. 💬💖

When Expectations Aren’t Met 🤔

But what happens when expectations in a relationship aren’t met? 😕 Does that mean the love isn’t real, or that the person isn’t valuing us in return? Not necessarily. 🚫 It may simply mean that the two people in the relationship need to recalibrate their understanding of each other’s needs and capacities. 🔄

Expectations can be tricky because they are often unspoken. 🤐 We assume that love means certain things—showing up in specific ways, providing support in ways that feel familiar to us. 🤷🏾‍♂️ But not everyone loves in the same way, and sometimes the act of valuing someone means recognizing that they may not be able to meet all of our needs all of the time. 🌿

When expectations aren’t met, the solution isn’t to withdraw love or deem someone unworthy—it’s to have honest conversations about what each person is capable of giving and what they need in return. 🗣️ This approach allows love to continue flowing, even when the structure of the relationship requires adjustment. 🔄💞

Conclusion: Balancing Love, Value, and Expectations 🌱

Love is about valuing someone for who they are. 💚 But in relationships, especially those like marriage, expectations naturally come into play. ⚖️ The challenge lies in ensuring that our expectations don’t overshadow our love or diminish the value we place on the other person. 💭 When we expect someone to meet all of our needs, we risk turning love into a transaction. 💳

At the same time, it’s important to recognize that in a partnership, it’s natural to have needs and to desire certain things from the person you love. 💕 The key is to hold space for both love and expectation, ensuring that our expectations don’t become the reason we love or stop loving someone. 🧘🏾‍♀️

Ultimately, love should be about seeing the worth of another person and appreciating them for all they bring to the table. 🍽️ Expectations, when rooted in mutual respect, can complement that love—but they should never define it. 🗝️

Call to Action 🚀

Take a moment to reflect on your relationships, whether romantic or otherwise. 💭 Are your expectations getting in the way of your ability to love someone for who they truly are? 🧐 Consider having a conversation with your partner, friend, or family member about what each of you needs, while also reaffirming the unconditional value you see in them. 💬💖 Remember, love is about appreciating the unique individual in front of you, not about what they can give you in return. 🌟 How can you start showing more love by valuing the person rather than focusing on unmet expectations? 🤲💫